Infertility

The other day I was thinking about infertility and how so many people I know are affected by it.  I was thinking about my own struggle with it and how for me a simple thing ended years of the pain of infertility. There are such wonderful people out there who have inspirational blogs that are amazing and I would never claim to have one of those because lets face it......I don't. But I do have a story and I thought that maybe....just maybe, it could help even one person end their long wait for a child.... Maybe it will just end in a bunch of rambling that you have to endure but even if it is I feel the desire and the need to share. So here it is.






Growing up all I ever wanted to be was a mother. You always assume growing up that you will marry and have children. No problems. That's just the way it works right? Not so much. We were married in 2005 and no babies came. For awhile that was ok. Then as time went on it went from worry to such pain. I remember wanting so badly to be happy for people who I found out were pregnant but it was so hard. It wasn't so much that I wasn't happy for them but just that it made me so much sadder for me. I was jealous. Sometimes wondering why some people (sometimes people who it seemed didn't even deserve it....yes, I know. Judgmental. Horrible of me right?) were blessed this way while I struggled.






There were happy times. I'm not saying that my life was horrible the 5 years I struggled with infertility but it seemed to always be there hanging over my head. The one big thing that seemed to be denied to me. Mother's Day. I HATED Mother's Day. I remember one Mother's Day Jason had to work so I was at church by myself. I was sitting near the front in a side pew by the wall. At the end of church they had the mother's stand to give them a gift and I cried. I cried and I cried and I cried. I wanted so badly to run from the room and wallow in my heartbreak but I was blocked in the pew by a young pregnant mother with 2 small children......... yeah.


So instead of pushing past them and walking to the back of the room passing every person in the building I sat there trying (probably in vain) to hide the fact that I was so miserable. After that year I did notice that they started asking for all Relief Society sisters (women 18 and up) to stand instead of saying mothers. I don't know that I was the reason for the change in the wording, although I'm sure the situation was probably brought up, but I was thankful for that change. It still wasn't an easy holiday but it did help a tiny bit.






 I remember crying my heart out more then once saying that if God was waiting for me to be ok with it, I never would be. And I meant it.  As the years passed an amazing thing happened. I was still sad and worried I would never have children but I got to where I could be happy for people again. That felt good!




I have Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome. I had never heard of it until I was married. I think it's probably a lot more common in the world today then we even know. My sister Karen has it too and had started taking Metformin. It is a blood sugar medication that is usually for patients with diabetes but many with PCOS have an insulin resistance so it can be prescribed to help lessen the symptoms of PCOS. One day I got a call from her saying she was pregnant and that I should try Metformin. Without her telling me that I never would have known it even existed.




It took a little while before I talked to the doctor about it and then even after I was on it, it took quite awhile but then one day in July of 2010 I wasn't feeling quite right and decided to take a $ store test because let's face it....I was sick to death of spending money on tests that were always negative. I looked down and saw one line and got a little teary and then I looked back down and there was a very faint second line.........I bought a Clearblue easy test. I wasn't about to trust some lines. I needed to see the words. PREGNANT.




In my imaginations I always assumed I would dramatically fall to my knees crying happy tears of joy. Giving my thanks to my Heavenly Father. Oh, I cried. I covered my face with my hands and cried repeating "Please let it be true. Please let it be true" over and over. I was so scared that it wasn't true or that something would be wrong (I had a lot of cramping). But, it was true! Noah was born in March 2011. A few months after he turned one I went back on Metformin expecting it to take awhile. A few months later....PREGNANT. Sawyer was born in May 2013.




I called a friend of mine when I found out I was pregnant with Sawyer who has also suffered years of infertility. She had tried Metformin for a little while in the past but had a minor side effects and had stopped taking it. I called her and told her she needed to go back on it. She did and got a time release pill instead which cured the side effect. She now has a beautiful 4 month old baby boy.




I'm not saying that Metformin is a cure-all. It may not work for every person because every person's body and problems are not the same but I do know one thing for sure. I am 100% certain that that medication allowed my body to finally work in a way that allowed me to have my children. I am so grateful for it, I'm grateful for my sister who recommended it, and I am most grateful to my Heavenly Father who inspired men to create the medicine and who has always been there for me.




I was thinking about my story and all of those who suffer with the same pain and even though it makes me feel kind of vulnerable sharing such personal information with the world I started to think that if just one person with similar medical issues reads this, talks to their doctor, feels right about it and is finally able to get their babies then it was worth sharing. I just felt strongly that maybe there is someone out there this may help....and I so hope that it does. :)

New post just for you....

I have been doing so much better at blogging more often but it's been a week so I'd better get one posted while Noah sleeps.

Several days ago Jason's mom took Noah and I (and Serena and Issac were there too) to the Mexican restaurant. This is how it went down.

 Noah likes the cheese sauce. But seriously who doesn't. Shoot now I want some of their cheese sauce soooo bad. Anyway, Serena put a little on his plate so he could dip some chips in it, which he did. Then we looked over and he was licking the plate. It was hilarious.

 I know it looks a bit like snot but it's not. It's cheese sauce. :)

 When the bowl had just a little left she gave it to him and in went his face.

Seriously I want that cheese sauce.

 I put Noah's Elmo doll in the Ninja Turtle van (used to be Jason's when he was little) once and now he puts him in there all the time and drives him around.

 I have been wanting to do Christmas crafts but I don't have any crafting supplies or anyone to do them with so Noah and I colored. I drew some Christmas pictures and Noah made pretty lines and squiggles and took some bites out of the crayons.

 He likes to draw.

 Here are Noah's newest tree ornaments. They never stay in the tree long but it's super cute. Here is one of his books

and a toy giraffe that came with the zoo he got from Santa last Christmas.

 

Yesterday was Jason's grandma's 84th bday. We went over last night and spent some time with her, played games, and ate yummy food. Jason's aunt and uncle and 2 of his cousins had come to visit for the occation. It was a lot of fun. We sure love spending time with our family.

 

Today Noah is 21 months old. I can't believe he is only 3 months away from being 2. That's unbelievable. I also can't believe that Christmas is so soon. This month has gone way to fast for me.

 

We had yet another ultrasound yesterday. Still definatly a boy and he looks healthy and adorable. He's already a whopping 8 ounces.

 

I hope you are all enjoying the season so far! 

SANTA

Last night we went to our church Christmas party. We had dinner and then there was a talent show. Then......Santa came. Last year Noah surprised us and didn't cry but I was just sure he would cry this year. Not so. Jason put him down by Santa and when Santa reached his arms down for him Noah put his arms up and went to him willingly. I was amazed and so happy.

 It cracks me up that he sat on the arm of the chair.

 He looks so adorable. He was really interested in Santa and was really excited to see him.

 He isn't crying here. After he got his little treat bag he made this really cheesy, silly, fake grin. It was pretty hilarious.

We had a great time at the Christmas party and it was so much fun to see Noah with Santa.

This morning Noah was really sleepy and whiney. I put on an episode of Sesame Street Old School (Noah loves it) and then when I looked in at him this is what I saw. So adorable. After a little while he had moved down a bit and his head was on the couch. I wondered if he would fall asleep but then he sensed me so he sat up. Just as well. Don't want to ruin his afternoon nap (now). I look forward to naptime. :) 

Our weekend

This past weekend we traveled to Jason's dad's house for Christmas with him and his wife. It's normally a 3 hour trip but since we didn't have anywhere for Tessa (our dog) we ended up having to drive an hour and a half out of the way so my sister could watch her. Thanks Laura! So the trip took a lot longer (plus stops to walk around - preventing my lovely blood clots is a must).

 

 Noah hates being in the car for more than maybe 30 minutes but we could get him distracted sometimes with his favorite books. He loves to read.

 Finally at the Beasleys and as you can see Noah took some interest this time in ripping of the wrapping paper.

 He got this Mickey Mouse book, LOL Elmo, a little train and some candy. He was so happy. Thanks Roger and Christine!

 All the kids (including the big kids) went outside and played.

 Noah ran around (he loves outside) while all the bigger kids and adult kids played tag. Now this wasn't just tag as you may remember. They of course got rubber balls involved where they threw them at each other...hard. Oh those Beasley children. :) Gamers to the max. This is Jason and our nephew Ashton (8).

 Then they started playing badminton. Noah finally found an abandoned raquet. He was so thrilled. Jason, Noah, and Jason's sister Serena.

 Noah got to stay in his first hotel (thanks Liz and Dave)! He did pretty good. He woke up once in the night and I held him for a few minutes and then he stood back up. I told him to lay down and go to sleep and he actually did. It took him a while to fall back asleep and he did a little whining but I was impressed. He was pretty impressed with the hotel. He ran around, took a bath, ran around in a diaper and read books.

 Then he opened the drawers and kept turning the tv on and off. What joys!

 In the morning on the way back to Jason's dads Noah got to eat his first cinnamon roll (not homeade unfortunatly). He really liked it and he looked super adorable eating it.

 Such a cutie.

 We spent a little time there in the morning and then we headed off to Laura's to pick up Tessa. Noah did a little bit of sleeping

 and playing with his toes. I can't keep shoes and socks on him in the car. We hung out at Laura's for a little while and then headed home.

Somebody was tired.

 

We had a good trip (although we all would have liked less of a drive - Noah isn't that pleasant for long car rides). It was good to spend time with family!

Did I mention.....

That we are having another boy! No name yet. We didn't get Noah named until the morning after he was born so don't hold your breath that we'll get this one named anytime soon. :) He looked healthy and even waved to us. He's nice like that.

The Christmas Train

 

 Stand back a little kiddo.

 He was cracking me up pressing his face on the open glass front to the entertainment center. I kept trying to get one with his nose smashed onto it but he moved too fast.

 Spending a morning with his Mommy, a banana bread muffin, and Christmas cartoons. Couldn't get much better.

 Noah loves to read. Loves it. I love when he brings me books or when I look over and he is looking at books on his own. One day I was reading him a book that he doesn't really care for. Halfway through he closed it, got down, went over and picked up another book, turned it over to look at the cover, nodded his head yes and then brought it to me. So cute.

 He has started lining up some of his foods lately before eating them. It's pretty adorable.

 

Tonight we went downtown where they had a short "train ride" in town. We waited in line and everytime the "train" passed Noah got so excited and would wave and wave. When it passed he would stretch out his arm, open and close his little fingers and say, "more, more".

 Here's the "train". He loves trains and lights...win win.

 The "train" passing by.

 Waving.

Complete with Santa. During the ride he kept waving back to him. He had such a great time. After we had our ride we let him walk between us holding one of our hands each (the only way he won't try and run off by himself). He was having a blast. Until of coure he saw the car. Then when I tried to put him in the car he threw himself to the ground and cried. Poor guy. We did have a great time. It must be hard to be little and not understand why we can't keep doing things (it was almost bedtime).

 

What a fun night!

O Christmas Tree

Last Wednesday we decided to put up our Christmas tree. Noah was really excited. He really loves all the lights. He loves to look at the Christmas lights on the houses in town. He loves Christmas. That's my boy.

 He looks so stinking adorable kneeling there.

 Watching the tree's progress!

 Being a helper and fanning out the branches.

 He tried to copy what we were doing. This is him fanning out the branches. I love that kid.

 Can you tell he's excited. I could only get him half dressed.

 Admiring his work. :)

 He sometimes puts his toys in the tree.

 Mr. Potato Head pieces.

 His ball.

Seriously adore this boy!